Thinking puzzles, These are Lateral Thinking puzzles

1)
man
-----------
board
Ans. = man overboard

2)
stand
-----------
i
Ans. = I understand
ok?....get the drift?

Let's try a few now & see how you fare ???

3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/
Ans. = reading between the lines

4.road
a
d
Ans. = cross road

5.cycle
cycle
cycle
Ans. = tricycle

6. t
o
w
n
Ans. = downtown

7 . le /
/ vel
/
Ans. = split level

8 . 0
------------
M.D.
Ph.D.
Ans. = two degrees below zero

9. knee
------------
light
Ans. = neon light (knee-on-light)

10. ii ii
-----------
O O
Ans. = dark circles under the eyes

11. dice
dice
Ans. = paradise

12. t
o
u
c
h
Ans. = touchdown

13. ground
---------------
feet
feet
feet
feet
feet
feet
Ans. = six feet underground

14. he's / himself
Ans. = he's by himself

15. ecnalg
Ans. = backward glance

16. death / life
Ans. = life after death

17.

THINK

Ans. think big !!

18 ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb....
Ans. long time no 'c' (see)

"If u love someone" Funny new versions

Original Quote:
If you love someone, Set her free... If she comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, she never was....





The new versions.....
Pessimist:
^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone, Set her free ... If she ever comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

Optimist:
^^^^^^^^
If you love someone, Set her free ... Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
^^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone, Set her free ... If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone, Set her free ... If she doesn't come back within some time forget her.

Patient:
^^^^^^^
If you love someone, Set her free ... If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until she comes back ...

Playful:
^^^^^^^
If you love someone, Set her free ... * If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her free again, repeat *

C++ Programmer:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
if(you-love(m_she)) m_she.free() if(m_she == NULL) m_she= new CShe;

Animal-Rights Activist:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone, Set her free, In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Lawyers:
^^^^^^^
If you love someone, Set her free, Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the Second Amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that...

Bill Gates :
^^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone, Set her free, If she comes back, I think we can charge her for re-installation fees but tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

Biologist :
^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone, Set her free, She'll evolve.

Statisticians : (Apte)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone, Set her free, If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high If she doesn't, your relation was improbable anyway.

Schwarzenegger's fans:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone, Set her free, SHE'LL BE BACK!

Over possessive person
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone don't set her free.

HR specialist
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone set her free by Offering her VRS and other benefits Then outsource her.

MBA
^^^
If you love someone set her free instantaneously and look for others simultaneously.

Psychologist
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone set her free. If she comes back her super ego is dominant. If she doesn't come back her id is supreme. If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

Somnabulist
^^^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone set her free If she comes back it's a nightmare If she doesn't, you must be dreaming.

ERP functional expert
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone set her free If she comes back, map her into your system If she doesn't, carry out a gap-fit analysis.

Finance expert
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone set her free If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

Marketing Specialist
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone set her free If she comes back she has brand loyalty. If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new market.

If you can ....

If You Can...

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,

If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,

If you can overlook when people take things out on you,

when through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can do all these things,

THEN YOU ARE PROBABLY THE FAMILY DOG

funonthenet@yahoogroups.com

Many posts in this blog is taken from this good yahoo group :
funonthenet@yahoogroups.com

Portrait... 

Confused Conversation...

**Confusion confuses and creates confusion to further the confusion**
... read conversation between Mr. Watt and William Knott...

"Who's calling?" was the answer to the telephone.

"Watt."

"What is your name, please?"

"Watt's my name."

"That's what I asked you. What's your name?"

"That's what I told you. Watt's my name."

A long pause, and then from Watt, "Is this James Brown?"

"No, this is Knott."

"Please tell me your name."

"Will Knott."

YOU LEFT THE TALKERS AT A POINT WHERE THEY WERE TOTALLY CONFUSED.
READ THE REST OF WHAT HAPPENED...

"Why not?"

"Huh? What do you mean why not?"

"Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?"

"But I told you my name!"

"Didn't you say you will not?"

"Not not, knott, Will Knott!"

"That's what I mean."

"So you know my name."

"Of course not!"

"Good. So now, what is yours?"

"Watt. Yours?"

"Your name!"

"Watt's my name."

"How the hell do I know? I am asking you!"

"Look I have been very patient and I have told you my name and you have
not even told me yours yet."

"You have been patient, what about me?"

"I have told you my name so many times and it is you who have not told
me yours yet."

"Of course not!"

"See, you even know my name!"

"Of course not!"

"Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?"

"Because I don't."

[Pause]

"What is your name?"

"See, you know my name!"

"Of course not!"

"Then why do you keep asking ,Watt, is your name?"

"To find out your name!"

"But you already know it!"

"What?"

"See, but you know mine!"

"Of course not!"

"Exactly!"

NOW THEY ARE AT A POINT WHERE BOTH THINK THE OTHER KNOWS THEIR NAME, BUT
THEY THEMSELVES DON'T KNOW THE OTHER'S NAME.

"Listen, listen, wait; if I asked you what your name is, what will be
your answer?"

"Watt's my name."

"No, no, give me only one word."

"Watt"

"Your name!"

"Right!"

[Pause before it hits him]

"Oh, Wright!"

"Yeah!"

"So why didn't you say it before?"

"I told you so many times!"

"You never said Wright before"

"Of course I did."

"Ok I won't argue any more. Do you know my name?"

"I do not."

"Well, there you go, now we know each other's name."

"I do not!"

"Good!"

[Pause before it hits him]

"Oh, Guud!"

"Good."

"No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?"

"No, it's Knott!"

"Oh, okay. At least the names are clear now Guud."

"Yes Wright."

NOW THEY BOTH THINK THEY KNOW EACH OTHER'S NAME AS WELL !!

7 Wonders.. !!! 

Fitness !!!! 

I LOVE U................

Hmm..an abstract topic..... received this from a friend...

=============================

For all you people who say "I love you" when you have no clue what love is exactly!!! something to ponder upon.....

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest??It isn't love, it's like.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right??It isn't love, it's lust.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off??It isn't love, it's luck.

Do you want them because you know they're there??It isn't love, it's loneliness.

Are you there because it's what everyone wants??It isn't love, it's loyalty.

Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand??It isn't love, it's low confidence.

Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt them??It isn't love, it's pity.

Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat??It isn't love, its infatuation.

Do you pardon their faults because you care about them??It isn't love, it's friendship.

Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of??It isn't love, it's a lie.

Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake??It isn't love, it's charity.

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad??Then it's love.

Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong??Then it's love.

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts??Then it's love.

Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you there??Then it's love.

Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are??Then it's love.

Would you give them your heart, your life, your death??Then it's love.

Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so, why do we love? Why is it all we search for in life? This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long for?

This torture, this powerful death of self? Why?

The answer is so simple cause it's...LOVE. It is such an addictive thing that even people who are not having it wish to experience it and share it with others as well.

This is the heights!

I have not seen anyone like this till now...

===
A woman parked her brand-new Lexus in front of her office ready to show it off to her colleagues. As she got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.
The woman immediately grabbed her cell phone, dialed 911,and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the woman started screaming hysterically. Her Lexus, which she had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the woman finally wound down from her ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.
"I can't believe how materialistic you women are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the woman.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"OH MY GOD!" screamed the woman. "Where's my new bracelet? ! "

Conductor(A good Joke??)

Plz read this very carefully & answer the question.



Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.

One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus,

but he didn't stop the bus.

Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the

spot.

Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took

him to the court.



The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital

punishment.He was taken to the electrocution

chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single

banana peel at one corner of the room.



The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given

to him.

But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free,

and he returned to his profession.



After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to

board the bus but the conductor didn't

stop the bus.



Unfortunately, this time also,the good looking middle aged woman came under

the bus and died on the spot.



Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him

to the court. The judge took one

look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment.

The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there

was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one

corner of the room.

He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.

This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to

set him free, and he returned to his profession.





A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus. This

time the Bus conductor, remembering

his earlier experiences, stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly

gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries. The

conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same

judge.

Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the

judge decided to set an example and gave him

capital punishment.







The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where

there was a single chair in the

center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.

He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.



This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!







The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died

instantly the third time??



Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is

perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again. Still if you

can't, then look below.........









think hard

































think hard























think hard





















Answer:









During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore

electricity didn't pass through him.

But during the third time, he was a good conductor, electricity passed

through him freely and he



died!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!!





Obviously you have to revise your science chapter on Electricity???

When the going gets Tough… The Tough gets Going………

Happiness keeps u Sweet,
Trials keep u Strong,
Sorrow keeps u Human ,
Failure Keeps u Humble,
Success keeps u Glowing,
But only God Keeps u Going

There's an old priest

There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your wife fell three times this week."

Don't speak English, U speak American.....

In USA :
U don't open conversation (on telephone) with a "Hello" but with a "Hi"
The telephone is never "engaged", it's always "busy".
U don't "disconnect" a phone, U simply "hang-up".
U never "mess-up" things, U only "screw them up".
U never have a "residence" tel. no., U have a "home" no.
U never have a "office" tel. no., U have a "work" no.
U don't stop at the "signals", but halt at the "lights".
U don't "accelerate", U "step on the gas".
Your tyre never "punctures", U may have a "flat".
The trains have "coaches" or "boggies' .,.no more ! but "carriages" or "boxes".
There R no "petrol pumps", but "gas stations".

"I don't know nothing", 2 negatives don't make a positive here.
U no longer meet a "wonderful" person, U meet a "cool" guy
U don't pull the switch down to light a bulb, rather flick it up.
U don't "turn on the heat", U "turn on the juice".
There's no "Business Area" ... only "business districts", and no "districts" but "counties".

No one stays "a stone's throw away", rather "a few blocks away".
There's no "Town Side", it's "Down Town".
In hotel U no longer ask for "bill" and pay by "cheque",
rather ask for "check" and pay with "bill"s (dollars).
There R no "soft drinks", only "sodas".
Life's no longer "miserable" it "stinks".
U don't have a "great" time, U have a "ball".
U don't "sweat it out", U "work U'r butt off".
Never "post" a letter, always "mail" it and "glue" the stamps, don't "stick" them.
U no longer live in "flats" , U live in "apartment".
U don't stand in a "queue", you are in a "line".
U no longer "like" something, U "appreciate" it.

"#" is not "hash", it's "pound".
U R not "deaf", U have "hearing impaired".
U R not "lunatic", U are just "mentally challenged".
U R not "disgusting" U R "sick".
U can't get "surprised" U get "zapped".
U don't "schedule" a meeting, U "skejule" it.

U never "joke", U just "kid".
U never "increase" the pressure, U always "crank" it up.
U don't try to find a lift... U find an elevator.
U no more ask for a route but for a "RAUT"
U don't ask somebody "How r u ?", U say "What's up dude?" or U say " How U DOIN?"
U never go to see a game U go to watch a game.

If U see "World" champions (or Series), read "USA" champions (or Series).
There's no "zero" but "O", no "Z"(zed) but "zee".
There's no FULL STOP after a statement, there's a PERIOD.
If someone gets angry at U, U get "flamed".
U Drive Ur car on Parkways and always park your car in the Drive-Way!

You do not ask for brinjal ... ask for Egg-Plant ..
also there are no lady's finger ..its Okra !
You do not say " He is a trouble creator " ..
rather u say "He's a pain in my ass" !
U do not say .. its a trivial job .. u say its a seat of the pants work.
Well u don't say life is boring u say LIFE SUCKS !!!!!



In short U don't speak English, U speak American.

Ad :) 

Watch what u ask for

A married couple in their early 60s was out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."
"Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband," said the wife. The fairy moved her magic stick and - abracadabra! - two tickets for the new QM2 luxury liner appeared in her hands.
Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said, "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime, so I'm sorry, my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me".
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish...
So the fairy made a circle with her magic stick, and -abracadabra! - the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story...
Men might be ungrateful idiots ... But fairies are...female.

See if you can balance him

http://www.wagenschenke.ch/index2.htm

Company Policy

Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the roomis a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hangingfrom a hook on the ceiling. Each time a monkey triesto climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed withice water, which makes them miserable.Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb theladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to besprayed, set upon him and beat him up. Soon, none ofthe eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a newmonkey is put in the room.Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why noneof the other monkeys are doing the obvious, but,undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat himsilly. He has no idea why. However, he no longerattempts to climb the ladder.A second original monkey is removed and replaced. Thenewcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but allthe other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. Thisincludes the previous new monkey, who, grateful thathe's not on the receiving end this time, participatesin the beating because all the other monkeys are doingit. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the newmonkey.One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced.Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of themhave ever been sprayed by ice water. None of themattempt to climb the ladder. All of them willenthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries,without having any idea why.

"AND THAT'S HOW ANY COMPANY'S POLICIES GETESTABLISHED".

Taglines

• Life without danger is a waste of oxygen.


• Life in a vacuum sucks


• You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless mailed


• Two wrongs are only the beginning.


• You're only young once; you can be immature f'ever.


• As I said before, I never repeat myself.


• A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing..


• Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.


• Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up.


• Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.


• Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.


• I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.


• Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand...?


• hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?


• Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.


• ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!


• A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.


• Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy..


• I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.


• There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.


• There are 3 kinds of people in this world...those you want things to happen, those that make things happen, and those who just wonder what the hell happened!


• Frogs have it easy. They can eat what bugs them.


• Where there's smoke, you'll find my wife cooking dinner.


• Join the army! Travel the world, Meet interesting people, and kill them.


• Two rights do not make a wrong. They make an airplane.


• Me, Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.


• I was only looking at your name tag, honest.


• Quick, call a witch doctor! My witch is sick.


• Strip mining prevents forest fires.


• Endless Love: Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis.


• KENTUCKY: Five million people, Fifteen last names.


• Jesus saves sinners and redeems them for cash and valuable prizes.The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard.


• Hangover: The wrath of grapes.


• Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!


• Life is Uncertain... Eat dessert first!


• When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.


• Dont hate me because I'm beautiful - hate me because your boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful!


• Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.


• You can't scare me. I drive a school bus!


• I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well.


• Smile, everyone loves a moron.


• My family puts the "fun" back in dysFUNctional.


• Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.


• Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.


• Roses are red, violets are blue, I once thought I was ugly, until I saw you!


• Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one!


• My computer NEVER cras...DOH!.


• Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster!


• You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.


• How does Avon find so many women willing to take orders?


• Looking for a helping hand? There's one on your arm.


• My mind works like lightning... one brilliant flash and it's gone.


• Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.


• Sometimes you're the bug, and sometimes you're the windshield..


• Next time you wave at me, use more than one finger, please!.


• I would like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Unfaithful

Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under
their bed. The box had been there for the past 20 years of their
marriage but she had never invaded his privacy. One day, while cleaning,
she decided to take a look in the box. She didn't figure it was anything
he was hiding since she could have looked at it any other time but hadn't.

In the box she found 3 eggs and 10 thousand dollars. This seemed very
strange so she went to Fred and asked, 'Why are there 3 eggs in a box
under our bed?'

He replied, 'Well, every time I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in
the box.'

Sue was surprised and hurt that he had been unfaithful but she consoled

herself with the fact that they had been married for over 20 years and
he had only been unfaithful 3 times. 'But where did the 10 thousand
dollars come from?' she asked. 'Every time I got a dozen, I sold it.