Love me

Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.

Why ?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?

And finally,............ The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they are okay, then...

How many times you cheated on your wife?

Three men die and go to heaven. When they get to the pearly gates, St. Peter asks them each one question: "How many times have you cheated on your wife?"

The first one answers "Never!"

St. Peter checks the books, discovers the man is correct and gives him a Rolls-Royce to drive during his stay in heaven.

The second man answers "Oh, about 25-30 times."

He is given a Ford Pinto and sent on his way.

The third man answers "Maybe 400-500 times" and is assigned a bicycle.

A few months later, the three meet up .. The Pinto driver, and the bicycle rider notice the Rolls-Royce man has a long drawn-out sad look on his face. Puzzled, the other two query him as to "why the sad face?".

Mr. Rolls just looked at them and said, "I just saw my wife, she was on a skateboard!"

The Young Couple

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a
dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After
10 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She
peeks inside and sees 3 eggs and $1,000.

She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains "Every
time I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the drawer." She figures 3
times in 10 years isn't bad and asks "But what about the $1,000?" He replied
"Whenever I got a dozen eggs, I sold them."

~~Internet Sayings~~

Home is where you hang your @.

The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.

Great groups from little icons grow.

Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

C: is the root of all directories.

Don't put all your hypes in one home page.

Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.

The modem is the message.

Too many clicks spoil the browse.

The geek shall inherit the web.

A chat has nine lives.

Don't byte off more than you can view.

Fax is stranger than fiction.

What boots up must come down.

Windows will never cease.

Virtual reality is its own reward.

Modulation in all things.

A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

There's no place like home.com.

Know what to expect before you connect.

Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.

Some tips for the life

Have a firm handshake.

Look people in the eye.

Sing in the shower.

Own a great stereo system.

If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.

Keep secrets.

Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.

Always accept an outstretched hand.

Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.

Whistle.

Avoid sarcastic remarks. - Important

Choose your life's mate carefully. >From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.

Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.

Lend only those books you never care to see again.

Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.

When playing games with! Children, let them win.

Give people a second chance, but not a third.

Be romantic.

Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.

Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for your Convenience, not the caller's.

Be a good loser.

Be a good winner.

Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.

When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.

Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.

Keep it simple.

Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.

Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.

Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets

Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the one's you did.

Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.

Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.

Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.

Begin each day with some of your favorite music.

Once in a while, take the scenic route.

Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're
terrific.'

Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.

Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.

Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.

Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.

Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.

Become someone's hero.

Marry only for love.

Count your blessings.

Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.

Wave at the children on a school bus.

Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.

Snapshot from answer paper!

**** Issued in Public Interest *****

Want to reduce weight in a day? :-)

One fat guy - goes to a popular GYM in Bangalore sees an ad for a new
gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on
the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They
lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and
ladders and tell him to wait a minute.



He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and
out
steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying "If you catch me, I'm
yours."



He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up
speed.



Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down
the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's
about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes
the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure
enough, he lost exactly 5kg.



He's back on the street and starts to think.



"God, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time...

So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."



"No problem," says the manager.



Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door
when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign, "If I catch you, you're
mine."

MURPHY

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life. After Mass, the
priest caught Murphy and said, "Murphy, I am so glad you decided to come to
Mass, what made you come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced
me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat
just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn came to church every Sunday. I
also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and I figured he
would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after
Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that you didn't steal McGlynn's
hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy said, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 commandments, I
decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou
Shalt Not Steal' you decided you would rather do without your hat than burn
in Hell, right?"

Murphy shook his head and said, "No, Father, after you talked about 'Thou
Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left my hat."

How to Answer the Tough Interview Questions

A lot of people know how to write a resume and talk their way into an interview. But when they get into the make or break dialogue, they stumble upon tough questions. Below, is some advice on approaching the tough questions that interviewers like to throw at job applicants:

Why did you leave your last job?
Real answer: It sucked.
What you should say: I felt my talents and abilities were underutilized.

What are your biggest weaknesses?
Real answer: I can't concentrate for more than five minutes, hate all forms of authority and tend to fall asleep at my desk.
What you should say: I'm a workaholic. I just don't know when to put down my work.

You don't seem to hold on to a job long. Why should we think you'll stay here any longer than you've stayed elsewhere?
Real answer: My employers have always had a hang-up about keeping only competent employees..
What you should say: I'm at a point in my career where I am tired of moving around. I really want to feel part of a team, a long-term enterprise, where I can make a contribution.
For all those of u aiming for job switches...............

How do you handle change?
Real answer: I deal with it everyday, unless I'm out of clean underwear.
What you should say: I think everyone knows that today the only constant is change. I thrive on it.

How do you get along with others?
Real answer: Fine, as long as they stay out of my face.
What you should say: I think the interpersonal dynamics of the workplace can be among the most satisfying aspects of any job.

What does the word success mean to you?
Real answer: It means that I don't have to drag my sorry ass out of bed to kiss yours.
What you should say: Success, for me, would be knowing I am making a difference working with a team of people to make a more profitable enterprise.

What does the word failure mean to you?
Real answer: It means I continue to collect unemployment insurance.
What you should say: Failure? I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean. That word is not in my vocabulary.

Do you get along with your current boss?
Real answer: I get along fine, considering what kind of a malicious person he is.
What you should say: I don't think I'd call him a boss; he's been more of a mentor to me.

Do you ever get angry with co-workers?
Real answer: I don't get angry, I get even.
What you should say: Nothing angers me more than to see a co-worker not pulling his weight, goofing off or stealing. Yes, sometimes I do get angry with co-workers.

Can I contact your references?
Real answer: Sure, but they won't know who I am.
What you should say: Some of them are out of the country right now. Maybe I can arrange to have them contact you.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three R's:
- Respect for self
- Respect for others and
- Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life.
Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation.
Don't bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other
exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

20. Find something positive in this message and Click Here to pass it on to all your friends!

Think laterally

1. An electrical engineer of a manufacturing company was given a tough job. There were frequent thefts of electric bulbs in the factory. He has to somehow do something so that this practice has be curtailed. but at a small budget. He suggested a solution. If you were in his position what would have been done?

2. The headmaster of a private school was in a fix. The Inspector of the school was going to come for inspection of the students within two hours he may come to any std or any section. No prior intimation. The HM did an idea to come out of the problem. What was that?

3. A philanthropist bought coconuts for five rupees and sold for three rupees. In that process he became a millionaire. How?

4. The marketing department of a MNC call center was in the process of direct mail campaign for launching a new product. Millions of brochures were printed. But one big blunder was done . One wrong digit was put in the telephone no of the company which makes the number as a dead one.. To print again would be a costly affair. Deadline was very near. What should be done by the marketing manager?

5. Can you name a city with truth and falsehood?

6. You were driving your car on a cold wet evening . You noticed three people at a bus stop. Your good old friend of your college days, a woman/man of your dreams and a sick lady,who had to be taken to hospital immediately. But there is space for only one passenger . whom would be your choice?

7. In one major low cost air carrier in Europe , no free drinks supplied. Two major benefits out of this practice, one is income generation out of Drinks sold. What is the other?

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Ans:-

1. Instead of conventional clockwise screw type for taking out he made into the reverse, People could not take it out.

2. The arrangement made was- students were seated random. The students knowing the answer should raise the right hand and the left raising not knowing the answer. The teachers should select only the right handed

3. He was a billionaire who became a millionaire by the selling process

4. The marketing manager approached the telephone department and got the dead no for them

5. Veracity and duplicity

6. I will give the car to my old friend to take the sick lady to the hospital and I will spend time with the person of my dreams.

7. Since the frequency of going to urinals was less .the space for one toilet was allotted for extra passenger seats

Some quotes ...

1. God is real, unless declared integer
2. Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
3. Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
4. Home is where the television is.
5. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
6. Death is hereditary.
7. Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
8. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
9. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
10.Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
11.Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else..
12.Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.
13.Well done is better than well said.
14.Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
15.They say hard work never hurt anybody, but why take the chance.
16.Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
17.You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
18.I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
19.If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
20.Pessimist: A person that looks both ways when crossing a one way street.
21.The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an approaching train.
22.Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.
23.I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.
24.Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
25.LUCK...stands for Labouring Under Correct Knowledge
26.Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can't blame on the government.
27.The evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
28.There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
29.An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

A carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee...

You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.



A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling.

It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.



Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water

And placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil.



In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.



In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the

Carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.



Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft.



The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.



Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee.

The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma.



The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"



Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity ... boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.



The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.



"Which are you?" she asked her daughter.



"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"



Think of this: Which am I?



Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?



Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?



Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.



If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?



How do you handle adversity?

ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG OR A COFFEE BEAN?



May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.



The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything

They just make the most of everything that comes along their way.



The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.



When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.



Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Puzzling poem

Try cracking this...

I am first in everything,
I am the centre of honesty,
and the end of all trouble.
I am not in difficulty,
I always come in time,
and am never out of money.
I am never in war,always in peace
I never get in bad company,
I always end a dialogue,
I always finish the game.
I am always in your dreams,
And though I am silent in love
But if I wouldn't come after u,
it wouldn't be true.
So start with me and end with me or else - there's no escape.







Now find Who am i ????????????????
(scroll down)















scroll down for the answer



















Come on U read my above written text once
more............ U have to get it now .....No!! its not me ;-)
!!..its really a puzzle!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
















Come on.......... U didn,t get it..........OK
Scroll down for the answer-- this time


























I am the English letter - 'e' !!

a sweet one for u all

Life ends when u stop dreaming,
Hope ends when u stop believing,
Love ends when u stop caring..
Friendship ends when u stop sharing..

...........The beauty of life does not depend on how happy you are
but how happy other can be bcoz of YOU...

Don't get disheartned for being last

A bus carrying only ugly people is involved in a crash, and everyone
on the bus dies. They go to Heaven. Because of the grief they have
suffered, God decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter
Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what their wish is.
The person answers, "I want to be beautiful," and so God snaps His
fingers, and it is done.

The second one in line sees this and says "I want to be beautiful too."

Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on
for a while, but when God is halfway down the line,the last person in
Line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this man is rolling on the floor, laughing his
pants off.

Finally, God gets to the end of the line and asks the laughing one
what his wish will be.

The man eventually catches his breath, and says: "Make them all ugly
again".

Moral of the Story: Don't get disheartned for being last, as you can
Still change others lives being last :)

What to know abt u??

http://www.cse.unsw.edu.au/~geoffo/humour/flattery.html

Proverbs From all Countries

A book is like a garden carried in the pocket.
Arab Proverb

A bird in the hand is worth two in a bush.
English Proverb

A broken hand works, but not a broken heart.
Persian Proverb

A cat has nine lives.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

A closed mouth catches no flies.
Italian Proverb

A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs.
German Proverb

A courtyard common to all will be swept by none.
Proverb, Chinese

A dog is wiser than a woman; it does not bark at its master.
Russian Proverb

A drink precedes a story.
Irish Proverb

A drowning man is not troubled by rain.
Persian Proverb

A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees.
William Blake "Proverbs of Hell" (1790)

A forest is in an acorn.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

A friend in need is a friend indeed
English Proverb

A friend's eye is a good mirror.
Irish Proverb

A good denial, the best point in law.
Irish Proverb

A good husband is healthy and absent.
Japanese Proverb

A hard beginning maketh a good ending.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)

A healthy man is a successful man.
French Proverb

A hedge between keeps friendship green.
French Proverb

A hen is heavy when carried far.
Irish Proverb

A hound's food is in its legs.
Irish Proverb

A house without a dog or a cat is the house of a scoundrel.
Portuguese Proverb

A hungry man is an angry man.
English Proverb

A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on.
French Proverb

A little too late, is much too late.
German Proverb

A loan though old is not gift.
Hungarian Proverb

A lock is better than suspicion.
Irish Proverb

A man does not seek his luck, luck seeks its man.
Turkish Proverb

A man is not honest simply because he never had a chance to steal.
Yiddish Proverb

A man may well bring a horse to the water, but he cannot make him drink.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)

A man should live if only to satisfy his curiosity.
Yiddish Proverb

A monkey never thinks her baby's ugly.
Haitian Proverb

A new broom sweeps clean, but the old brush knows all the corners.
Irish Proverb

A penny for your thoughts.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)

A penny saved is a penny gained.
Scottish Proverb

A poor beauty finds more lovers than husbands.
English Proverb

A prudent man does not make the goat his gardener.
Hungarian Proverb

A rumor goes in one ear and out many mouths.
Chinese proverb

A silent mouth is melodious.
Irish Proverb

A single Russian hair outweighs half a Pole.
Traditional Russian Saying

A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in.
Greek Proverb

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
Bible - Proverbs 15:1.

A son is a son till he gets him a wife,
But a daughter's a daughter the rest of your life.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

A spoon does not know the taste of soup, nor a learned fool the taste of wisdom.
Welsh Proverb

A table is not blessed if it has fed no scholars.
Yiddish Proverb

A teacher is better than two books.
German Proverb

A thief believes everybody steals.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

A thorn defends the rose, harming only those who would steal the blossom.
Chinese proverb

A throne is only a bench covered with velvet.
French Proverb

A trade not properly learned is an enemy.
Irish Proverb