Don't speak English, U speak American.....

In USA :
U don't open conversation (on telephone) with a "Hello" but with a "Hi"
The telephone is never "engaged", it's always "busy".
U don't "disconnect" a phone, U simply "hang-up".
U never "mess-up" things, U only "screw them up".
U never have a "residence" tel. no., U have a "home" no.
U never have a "office" tel. no., U have a "work" no.
U don't stop at the "signals", but halt at the "lights".
U don't "accelerate", U "step on the gas".
Your tyre never "punctures", U may have a "flat".
The trains have "coaches" or "boggies' .,.no more ! but "carriages" or "boxes".
There R no "petrol pumps", but "gas stations".

"I don't know nothing", 2 negatives don't make a positive here.
U no longer meet a "wonderful" person, U meet a "cool" guy
U don't pull the switch down to light a bulb, rather flick it up.
U don't "turn on the heat", U "turn on the juice".
There's no "Business Area" ... only "business districts", and no "districts" but "counties".

No one stays "a stone's throw away", rather "a few blocks away".
There's no "Town Side", it's "Down Town".
In hotel U no longer ask for "bill" and pay by "cheque",
rather ask for "check" and pay with "bill"s (dollars).
There R no "soft drinks", only "sodas".
Life's no longer "miserable" it "stinks".
U don't have a "great" time, U have a "ball".
U don't "sweat it out", U "work U'r butt off".
Never "post" a letter, always "mail" it and "glue" the stamps, don't "stick" them.
U no longer live in "flats" , U live in "apartment".
U don't stand in a "queue", you are in a "line".
U no longer "like" something, U "appreciate" it.

"#" is not "hash", it's "pound".
U R not "deaf", U have "hearing impaired".
U R not "lunatic", U are just "mentally challenged".
U R not "disgusting" U R "sick".
U can't get "surprised" U get "zapped".
U don't "schedule" a meeting, U "skejule" it.

U never "joke", U just "kid".
U never "increase" the pressure, U always "crank" it up.
U don't try to find a lift... U find an elevator.
U no more ask for a route but for a "RAUT"
U don't ask somebody "How r u ?", U say "What's up dude?" or U say " How U DOIN?"
U never go to see a game U go to watch a game.

If U see "World" champions (or Series), read "USA" champions (or Series).
There's no "zero" but "O", no "Z"(zed) but "zee".
There's no FULL STOP after a statement, there's a PERIOD.
If someone gets angry at U, U get "flamed".
U Drive Ur car on Parkways and always park your car in the Drive-Way!

You do not ask for brinjal ... ask for Egg-Plant ..
also there are no lady's finger ..its Okra !
You do not say " He is a trouble creator " ..
rather u say "He's a pain in my ass" !
U do not say .. its a trivial job .. u say its a seat of the pants work.
Well u don't say life is boring u say LIFE SUCKS !!!!!



In short U don't speak English, U speak American.